don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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