I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
