I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So apparently I’m into choking now
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
