the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
