Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize