so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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