I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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