Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
