I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
