I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
