And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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