Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
