that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
and you fell through a lawn chair
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
