Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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