sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
