It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
