you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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