Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
