Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
