we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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