it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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