Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
