just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
