And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
is wine microwaveable?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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