Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
