bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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