11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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