apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You took a bar mat shot.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
