its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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