Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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