She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
