The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
