Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm getting married
To pizza
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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