It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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