Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
