Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
