Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
