I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
