he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize