it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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