there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
