i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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