I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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