the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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