my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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