We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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