well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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