she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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