If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
