He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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