sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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