It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Randomize
