Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
