Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
