Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
