so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
