I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My vagina is officially offended.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
