So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
