she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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