Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
