drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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