You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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