Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
